- Thu Jan 28, 2021 4:51:58 pm
#55611
Pre-Game
Te Poto Tribe:
1. Jed -
It really pains me to say this, because personality-wise he’s like a plank of fucking wood, but Jed definitely stands the best chance of winning this. Whereas everyone else here has an abundance of certain qualities but little to nothing of other qualities, Jed has equally average amounts of every quality. And that basically sums up Jed, he’s just your average all-around guy. He won’t be the leader, but he won’t necessarily be a follower. He won’t be the most outspoken, but that doesn’t mean he’ll completely bite his tongue. He’s easily the most level-headed person here, but his brand of humor is dark enough to where he’ll fit in with the rest of these nutjobs. I think a lot of people here are gonna want to work with him and that’s gonna be his golden ticket, because once he finds his group of people he’s gonna hook his latches onto them and use them as his meat shields while he plays a more middle-of-the-road type game where he’s not the biggest threat but he’s still able to be recognized by the other players. And to be fair, I do think Jed deserves this. He was a heavy favorite to win early on in his original season, he seemed like a surefire bet to make the merge and he was gonna go into it in one of the best positions in the entire game, but then his own loyalty was his downfall as he essentially voted himself out in one of the most memorable exits in the modern era of Stranded. So yeah, he deserves this & he clearly has been itching to get another chance and redeem himself...... but man I just wish he was exciting to watch. I’d rather watch the 24/7 Ridiculousness marathon on MTV than watch Jed play Stranded again.
2. Elizabeth -
Elizabeth is easily the most popular player here. If there was such a thing as fan favorite for the flops, it would 100% be Elizabeth. I think everyone here was expecting her to be on this, and I think pretty much all the players are expecting her to be here too. On one hand, that might make her an early target, because there’s definitely a lot of people on this tribe who’s most prominent sin out of the seven deadly sins is envy. But she’s such a fantastic social player who’s able to get people to instantly like her fun & outgoing personality that I don’t think it will be a problem for her. And once she gets over that small little bump in the road, I think it’ll be smooth sailing for her. The only thing I can see tripping her up is Missy, aka the demon sent straight from hell. Missy most definitely will not be a formidable foe for her, but just the sight of Missy alone can easily cause her to lose her cool.
3. Aurora -
On just about any other cast, Aurora would likely to stick out as one of the more outspoken & aggressive personalities. Her biggest weakness on Kuril was opening her mouth too much and coming across as condescending or bitchy. But based on her recent activity in the server, she’s mellowed out a ton, and is very friendly and social with a lot of people. So I think even if she still has that bitchy side to her, it will be a lot easier to blend in. Add to the fact that she’s not coming into this game with any pre-built drama & that she showed good game chops on her original season (even if some of her judgement calls were a bit questionable), and I think she’s poised to do really well here. Especially if she’s able to keep her emotions in check, which I think she will be. There’s not much else to say really.
4. Hannah -
Hannah is the only returnee here who I’ve played Stranded with, although we never interacted on our season, and I thank god every single day for that because good lord is she annoying. To be fair to Hannah though, she’s got a pulse for these games & is easily the most experienced of the bunch, as well as being the most consistently active member of the community over the past 2.5 years. That’s why she’s this high. The problem with Hannah’s game is that although she has the toolset, she has no fucking clue how to use any of the tools. There’s 2 sides to Hannah, we’re either gonna get the bitchy unlikable pessimistic Hannah who plays way too hardcore and makes no friends (see: Isolated 4). Or we’re gonna get the overly paranoid & highly gullible Hannah who makes the most egregious decisions even when she knows better, one prime example of that being deciding to date former community member & suspected pedophile Dale, also known as Canada’s answer to Martin Shkreli. I mean, maybe Hannah will surprise me, but I doubt it. I do think she’ll go quite far so long as her activity doesn’t catch up with her, but unless she’s finally figured out how to use some of those tools, she won’t be getting the W. Just some more emotional cybersex from Nate.
5. Tai -
Biggest unknown in the entire cast, even I don’t remember this guy. So why is he this high? For starters, I can’t imagine he’d be any worse than the 7 people below him, all of whom were cast mainly for entertainment purposes rather than their impeccable gameplay. Secondly, not only is he the highest placement here, but he made the final 3. Granted he was a goat who only got 1 vote, but he’s the only one here who’s experienced making it to the end, while everyone else here didn’t even come close to reaching the final tribal council. So the other second chancers didn’t even so much as get a whiff of it, while Tai has had the full load in his mouth, he just wasn’t able to swallow & finish the job. So realistically this should be easy for Tai, I mean really all he has to do is play the same game as last time except this time make sure he makes social bonds with as many people as possible because the social game is the most crucial part of getting jury votes at the end. Like legit, Tai would have to be an absolute moron to fuck this up for himself. But the thing is..... I know nothing about him, so he very well could be an absolute moron for all I know.
6. Wardog -
Probably the biggest wildcard of the second chancers to me. He’s infamous in the discord org community for being an unlikable troll, but I do know that he knows how to play a smart game when he takes it serious, and that when he’s actually trying to win he puts in 110% of the effort. I just don’t know what kind of Wardog we’re gonna get here. I can easily see him have the determination to win after his early exit in his first season, but I also know that going into his first season he was one of the most anticipated people in the entire cast from an entertainment standpoint due to his reputation & he didn’t really deliver on the hype, so he may decide to just come into this game and be a troll and fuck shit up for laughs. But I suppose it doesn’t really matter which type of Wardog we’re gonna get, cause he’s gonna be an aggressive player & a massive asshole regardless. And it’s not gonna sit well with people.
7. Rocker -
If we’re being honest, Rocker is mainly here to be the class clown, and I don’t really think anyone expects him to win. One thing he has going for him is his humor, which I think a lot of the returnees will appreciate although some of the newbies might not get it. And just based on his activity in the server over the past couple months it does seem like he’s gotten better at being more socially likable even though he still gives off weirdo vibes, reminiscent of that one uncle at the family function who steals food off your plate & makes sex jokes about your sister. It’s kind of uncomfortable but it’s also kind of funny so there’s no harm in it, that’s basically the essence of Rocker right there. I still think he’s coming in here to play a character, but it’s not going to be 100% character like last time, there will be some genuineness there & a true effort from him at attempting to play the game and make moves. That being said, I still see him as being someone else’s chess piece here.
8. Garrett -
Garrett is an absolute slutty mess. Unlike the people below him, I wouldn’t call him outright insane, he’s just young & impulsive. I do think he’s matured a bit over the years & he’s honestly probably one of the smartest people in this cast, but it’s moreso like a Sheldon Cooper type of smart where he’s a genius idiot. He’s a highly ambitious & theatrical player who’s always coming up with some of the craziest schemes, and if we’ve learned anything from recent games he’s played in the community it’s that he’s still prone to his wild antics (spoiler alert: he may have already found a way to stir the pot this season before the game even truly began). But despite the entertainment that Garrett brings..... the fact of the matter is that his style of play will always be his downfall. He’ll probably be able to slide through the cracks early on because of the crazier personalities here who all have pre-existing drama, but at the end of the day his shenanigans are gonna eventually catch up to him.
9. Stephannie -
There’s a lot of insane people in this cast, but Stephannie is like...... legitimately insane. Like medically diagnosed insane. She can be likable during her quieter moments, but when she’s going through one of her rants or one of her episodes (which happen often), it’s just too much for anyone to deal with. There was a time many years ago where I tried to help Stephannie through her problems, until I realized that it was a lost fucking cause and I just tossed her in the bin and moved on. And I think a lot of players this season are gonna have that same experience with her that I did. I do think over the years she’s moreso embraced her insanity, and (I think?) that’s probably more of a good thing. I put her above the other 3 because on her original season I vaguely remember her actually being a pretty decent player, I think she was in charge of an alliance or something like that. Granted that was years ago, but she’s at least shown she has what it takes to perform well in the big leagues.
10. Jessica -
I don’t think I truly realized how batshit insane Jessica was until the planning for this season began & the hosts started getting a bunch of evidence that pointed to her hardcore pregaming. She’s like the crazy ex-girlfriend, and Stranded is the boyfriend who dumped her that she’s still obsessed with. I don’t necessarily think her blatant pre-gaming is gonna make her public enemy #1 on this tribe, but ever since playing Stranded her ego has inflated by the minute because she’s reportedly been dominating discord ORGs (lmao) and she thinks that makes her hot shit. We’ve made it blatantly clear that these guys are returning as second chancers, and yet for some reason I feel like as soon as she logs in she’s gonna be referring to herself as an “all-star”. Obviously, that “I’m better than you” attitude is gonna rub a lot of people the wrong way. And I think she’s in for a rude awakening here.
11. Stephanie -
Steph is probably coming into this game with the most amount of enemies due to her being more active in the server, but unlike Missy she at least has some semblance of game saavy, she’s just a massive fucking cunt about it. And look, Steph is a child. We all know this. You can tell by the way she talks & from her dietary choices that she has not grown up at all. She’s just a constant nagging presence, every single time she shows up on the server people can feel their souls being sucked out of their bodies. Whether it’s inside or outside of the game, the minute things don’t go her way she starts to whine and complain about it, and that’s gonna be her biggest downfall here even if she manages to escape the immediate target that’s on her back. No matter how hard she tries to not be an utter bitch, she’s just inherently unlikable.
12. Missy -
I’ve kind of made it abundantly clear to the rest of the hosts that I don’t think Missy should’ve been cast here, because despite how much of a menace she is I really struggle to see what she’s gonna be able to offer apart from an immediate fight with Elizabeth, which is like 95% of the reason why she was cast. I don’t necessarily think Missy is coming into this with the biggest target. I mean obviously Elizabeth hates her guts, so that’s one person immediately against her. And I mean, I’m pretty sure most people on this tribe knows that she cheated, so like...... they may not view her as someone who’s worthy of a second chance. But when you’re by far one of the nuttiest people on one of the most nuttiest tribes ever assembled, and you’re coming in with pre-game drama, that immediately makes you an easy first boot target. And even if she somehow defies all odds & makes it to a swap, she’s a fucking moron with terrible grammar who has no game awareness whatsoever. Absolutely no chance of winning.
Pukaroa Tribe
1. Michael -
Michael is the most well-rounded of the newbies because he manages to display all their attributes. He has the old school gaming experience, the diverse background, he’s got the social likability & the humor, a fun presence, he’s definitely going to make moves, and the determination is there evidenced by the fact that he’s the only newbie (as far as we know) that’s been doing pre-game research. That last tidbit makes me very slightly worried that he might get way in over his head in the game at some point, but I think he has enough experience under his belt & is mature enough to not let it get the best of him.
2. Alexis -
When it’s all said & done, Alexis will probably be the most likable person in the entire cast. She doesn’t seem to have an ounce of hatred in her body, and it’s easy to have a conversation with her, which automatically means she’s gonna have tremendous social prowess. On top of that, she has a bunch of experience under her belt with NDIM games, which I wouldn’t necessarily call the big leagues but it’s still miles ahead of discord games. My one reservation with her is she’s like..... too nice lol. I know that seems kind of weird to out as a criticism, but when it starts getting down to the nitty gritty and players are gonna start looking to get out all of the heavy social threats before the FTC, and if she’s still there (which I think she will be) then I reckon she’ll be in big trouble. But she’s definitely going very far.
3. Laura -
I’m just as surprised as you are that I have Laura this high, but Stranded usually attracts very middle-of-the-road social players as its winners, which is exactly what Laura comes across as. I mean she’s a twitter gamer, and twitter is a high-end social media platform, so surely she’s gotta be great socially. She seems very bubbly and fun and I think a lot of people will get along with her. And I do think she’ll have the capacity to make moves as well, it just won’t be all social. Also assuming that her discord pfp is actually her, she’s kinda hot as fuck, so....... bonus points.
4. Matt -
Matt is a very very old school gamer, which instantly puts him high on this list because those types of castings have done very well in recent seasons. He has a PhD, so I mean I gotta assume he’s a smart guy. He seems likable if a bit boring. My biggest worry with Matt has nothing to do with Matt at all, but rather the person who referred him to us: Teresa. We all know Teresa is insane, and Matt on the other hand seems very normal on the surface. But I’m sorry, if fucking Teresa is referring you, then there’s gotta be something wrong with Matt. I haven’t been able to pinpoint it quite yet, but I mean come on, it’s gotta be there. Some sort of weird sex kink or secret murder fantasy or even a severe mental lapse. I know beneath Matt’s mundane surface that there’s something wrong with him because there’s no way Teresa would be able to become friends with a normal human being. I’m gonna get to the bottom of this, but until I do, I just have to take Matt at face value for now. And face value Matt is a likable experienced gamer who’s poised to go far.
5. Sherri -
I know Sherri from loooong ago from places like CTS & ORGy, I’m talking back when my sack was still hairless, and I promise you she will bring the entertainment. She’s a very fun, very colorful personality who will bring the laughs & the shade. And although I couldn’t say for sure how deep her gaming experience is, since she’s playing ORGy games than she’s probably the most prepared for this out of any of the other newbies because the competition in that community is way more serious than what you’d find on NDIM or certainly Discord. Despite the game savviness, she loves dolling it up & playing a character and I could see that getting in the way of her actual gameplay and her passion to want to win. But I expect her to go far regardless.
6. Erik -
It’s already been stated, but Erik is an oddball. He’ll remind of you that one weird kid in junior high & high school who did naruto runs in the hallways & made weird noises in class. He clearly was bullied in his childhood with the whole squid hat thing, and there’s a possibility he might be one bad day away from shooting up an elementary school. I mean it doesn’t take a therapist to know that. But at the end of the day he has a very nerdy & dweeb-esque personality, which is gonna appeal to a lot of people here because at least 95% of stranded seasons are made up of dweebs. But he is a really funny guy, and he has experience playing & hosting Mafia games which I think will benefit him a lot more than most of our experienced newbies. And despite clearly having many issues growing up it seems at age 30 he’s grown comfortably into himself and is more willing to be assertive. Probably the biggest wild card of the newbies but I like his chances.
7. Eddie -
To me Eddie is easily the most boring person in this cast, who essentially was only cast because of his somewhat older age & his diverse background. But the guy just puts me to sleep, and I can’t get a good read off of him because of that. I’d assume because of his boring & inoffensive nature that he’s gonna find himself in a good little group and float his way deep into the game, but he ain’t winning.
8. Shamar -
I really think a lot of my fellow hosts are underestimating Shamar’s trainwreck potential. I don’t think it will be as bad as say, a lot of our vets, but he’s brand new to online gaming and he seems antsy to play in particular so he can entertain himself and push people’s buttons. I mean he said in his app he’s gonna be a villain, and when he was pressed about this in his interview, he referred to his brand of villainy as “simp like”. I don’t even know what the fuck that means, but what I do know is that anyone who says something like that is bound to play messy. And he honestly gives off the vibes of someone who’s gonna play hardcore right out of the gate & flame out pre-merge.
9. Allie -
Probably a bit of a hot take to have Allie this low since she’s one of the more experienced gamers of this newbie group, but I’m sorry, she just comes off as extremely phony. And if it’s transparent to me, it’s gonna be transparent to everyone else. Everything about her screams try-hard & a wannabe villain. The only other person in this entire cast who has that same aura is Garrett, but at least Garrett is fun about it. Despite talking herself up, Allie seems very dull. And I think once she eventually does go into full OTTN mode like she said she would, a lot of people are gonna be able to see through the act. Just do not get good vibes from her.
10. Reynold -
Pound for pound, probably the most cockiest, arrogant, narcissistic casting we’ve had in awhile. I thought he was playing it up at first until I read his interview, and no, he truly does think that highly of himself. He makes the tanzanian douche bros look like a bunch of dick-humping soyboys. I reckon Reynold is the type to use about 50 different bodily hygiene products in the shower, has a sex mirror installed on the roof of his bed structure, probably slaps his own ass when he thinks he’s accomplished something. The one thing he has going for him is that he’s self-aware of his personality & how it comes across. I mean he kinda blatantly admitted in his app that if he doesn’t get his bearings together & make a solid connection with someone immediately then he’s probably an easy early boot due to his egotistical nature. But self-awareness isn’t gonna help him much here.
11. Hope -
Maybe it’s just cause I have a severe loathing for these over-energetic stan twitter SJW type people, but Hope isn’t making it far. I mean when you list BBUS Vanessa & Abi-Maria as two of your favorites who you model yourself after, that’s when I know you’ve got choppy waters ahead of you. She comes off as someone who’s gonna start drama and get into fights over the smallest things, and her very “in your face” personality is not gonna be appealing to anyone. She’s gonna be an absolute mess.
12. Brandon -
Look, I don’t like doing this, but I have to remain unbiased here. And the fact of the matter is that Brandon is not winning this game. It’s just not happening. That being said, I genuinely do think he’s one of our greatest finds in years. I’ve been in some of the most obscure corners of Internet forum communities over periods of time & I’ve never met someone as strange or as perplexing as Brandon. And I love it. Nothing makes my cock throb harder than a mid-20’s overly-religious manchild that still lives with his whole family who’ve sheltered him away from the world for his entire life, and the autism is just the cherry on top. When it comes to online gaming, he’s truly one in a million. The guy’s a wacko but not in a volatile way, it’s actually kinda heartwarming honestly. Unfortunately, no one in this game is gonna get it. Most will think it’s a gimmick (it’s not), and no one is gonna take him seriously because of it. But obviously the viewers are gonna love him. I’m thinking either a super early boot or dragged late-game as a goat.
Overall Thoughts: If you couldn’t tell, we didn’t assemble this cast to find a good winner, we assembled this cast with the intent to squeeze as much juice out of the lemon as possible. In other words, drama galore. We expect fighting, we expect tears, we expect chaos, we expect death. And I’m a firm believer in expectations metamorphosing into reality. Grab your cum-buttery popcorn & start sucking on those dick-shaped lollipops you fruity pebbled sluts, cause you’re all in for a treat.
